I heard the speaker's words. I knew that he spoke what God wanted me to hear. My desired companion is not coming. This has become more than a desire - it has become a demand. I demanded it of God. The Master, Teacher, Creator, Savior, Lord. The clay pot has been yelling at the potter and demanding that this be so. But now I see what God has been telling me all along - God wants me. All of me. He does not want half-hearted praise. He wants all of my praise.
For longer than I care to say, I have seen myself as the guy who did not have a companion. I did not have a girl (and in some cases, just a friend), but now I realize the obvious simple truth: I am the guy who honors God above all other things. The Christian - one who is never ashamed of the Cross, and never afraid to discuss my relationship with Christ to others. He should be more than just my first allegiance, He should also be my first love.
Knowing this truly does change my mindset. Now that the mindset has changed, the lifestyle changes, the actions change, the attitude changes, and so many other things.
I am a fan of a certain anime called "Avatar: The Last Airbender". I am certain that I have touched on this before. One of the groups of people are represented by the element of fire. Many consider fire to an element of rage, hate, and anger; but in its true form, as it was meant to be, it is inner calm, self-control, and balance. Fire represents energy and life, not death and destruction.
God wants me to pursue a personal and intimate relationship with Him and let that be my sustenance through everything. I find it hard to believe in something that cannot be seen, but this is the task that has been set before me. The challenge is hard, but people of the element of fire have desire and will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want. This may not be the deepest desire of my heart, but I know that it is what I need the most.
The Master of the Universe wants a close, personal, intimate, loving relationship with me. Who am I to refuse?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Companion
Christian Scripture tells us that God wants us to be in community with other Christians. But what do we do when we try to be with others and things just don't work out. This past weekend, I had the pleasure of hanging with friends quite a bit, but it was also marred by experiencing a day without them as well. It's frustrating when we are commanded to enjoy community, but when we try to make that happen, it falls apart.
I have prayed for a loving wife. There are several reasons. Let's be honest, one of them is to feel the warmth of a loving embrace. But I also wish to love her with all of my heart as well. I want to show her how a man of God should love a woman. And I wish to honor God by treating her as a sister in Christ as well as my wife. I also know that it means that I will have to step up and serve her with everything that I am. Perhaps some believe that I have to learn how to serve others and love them before I find a woman to love, but how do I learn to love a woman when there is no woman to love? Is this possible? I don't think that it is possible.
I get frustrated with God because I pray that He would guide me to a loving woman, then He allows me to meet great women, but things don't make sense. Sometimes I see her, and other times when I think that I should, I don't. When I expect to see her, and I don't. Sometimes I get angry with God and I just don't feel like talking to Him about it. I think that we all go through that. I don't want to talk to God about it because I'm angry with Him.
Don't get me wrong. I still love God. I am still loyal to Him. And I'm not going to walk away. But that doesn't mean that I'm not angry with Him.
But maybe that's what He wants me to learn. That even though I'm angry with someone, I'm not going to walk away. I know that even if I do find a loving woman, there will be times when she won't please me. She'll let me down. She'll say or do the wrong thing. She won't say or do the right thing. But I'm not going to walk away. Sometimes you just want to be mad for a while, but you still love that person with all of your heart.
I have prayed for a loving wife. There are several reasons. Let's be honest, one of them is to feel the warmth of a loving embrace. But I also wish to love her with all of my heart as well. I want to show her how a man of God should love a woman. And I wish to honor God by treating her as a sister in Christ as well as my wife. I also know that it means that I will have to step up and serve her with everything that I am. Perhaps some believe that I have to learn how to serve others and love them before I find a woman to love, but how do I learn to love a woman when there is no woman to love? Is this possible? I don't think that it is possible.
I get frustrated with God because I pray that He would guide me to a loving woman, then He allows me to meet great women, but things don't make sense. Sometimes I see her, and other times when I think that I should, I don't. When I expect to see her, and I don't. Sometimes I get angry with God and I just don't feel like talking to Him about it. I think that we all go through that. I don't want to talk to God about it because I'm angry with Him.
Don't get me wrong. I still love God. I am still loyal to Him. And I'm not going to walk away. But that doesn't mean that I'm not angry with Him.
But maybe that's what He wants me to learn. That even though I'm angry with someone, I'm not going to walk away. I know that even if I do find a loving woman, there will be times when she won't please me. She'll let me down. She'll say or do the wrong thing. She won't say or do the right thing. But I'm not going to walk away. Sometimes you just want to be mad for a while, but you still love that person with all of your heart.
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