Sex. It's in our culture. It is something that has been used to sell everything from movies to beer to cars. It is inescapable due to our level of technology. It is something that we must deal with. And it is a creation of God.
Christians in the past have viewed sexual desire as a demon that they had to keep at bay. Now it is something that Christians must stay away from (at least until marriage).
But what if we embraced it?
Not the action, but the conversation. People today have placed sex into the category that we should do it all the time with whoever is the hottest and sexiest. Some Christians don't want to talk about it (of course, many have a hard time talking to Christians period), but what if everyone agreed that we, as Christian men and women holy and devoted to a loving God, were open about sex? I don't expect anyone to talk about personal experiences, but people should know that Christians aren't afraid to have sex either. People should know that when they turn their lives over to God, that they are allowed (and in some ways encouraged) to have sex with their spouse. Everyone else talks about sex. Christians shouldn't be afraid to join the conversation.
Let's get started.
As far as sex, Jesus says in Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." There is no way around this.
So yeah, sex outside of marriage is clearly a sin (ALL forms of sex).
But another question still lingers: what about masturbation? Is that a sin?
There is a passage in Genesis 38 about a man named Onan who would not impregnate his brother's widow because he knew that the heir would result in Onan losing some of his inheritance, so Onan "pulled out" and spilled his seed on the ground. God punished him for doing so, but many scholars agree that the sin was not that he pulled out (according to some, he masturbated), but that he did so out of greed for the inheritance. It's not what he did, but why he did it.
So is masturbation a sin?
There are times that I would say yes, but at others time I would say no. If a man looks a woman lustfully, it's sinful. Christ said so (Matt. 5:28). But what about the desire to please a future wife? If a man masturbates not only to release those desires within himself (and avoid greater evils), but so that he is comfortable with his own sexuality when he is united with his wife, is that evil? I cannot convince myself that it is sinful. That is what we are supposed to do: prepare for marriage. As Christians, we prepare for marriage by getting used to living with someone else, helping them with their needs, picking up the kids at school, doing the dishes, laundry, etc. But what about being sexually ready? I can admit that I have done this. I have masturbated. Every man has masturbated in his life (if he tells you otherwise, he's lying). I can admit it because I know that eventually I will stand before God and everything will be stripped away. Would I be ashamed then? One of my greatest desires is to find a woman beautiful in every way and love her as a man should. In Genesis 2:24, Adam and Eve are said to become one flesh. When I love my wife, I hope that every fiber of my being will desire her completely. She will be the one that I cannot live without. She will be the one I yearn to be with, to hold her in my arms, to see the love in her eyes, to feel her skin against mine, to touch the love in her heart and her soul. To be one flesh, one mind, one spirit. That is what I want.
It should be noted that Genesis 2:25 says "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
No shame. That is what I desire with my wife. Masturbation is a way for a person to be comfortable with their own sexual desires.
Make no mistake, those who indulge in sexual behavior are not following Paul when he said that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). But to restrain masturbation to once every month, or few months, isn't that self-control? I think the primary reason that many Christians advise not to start is that it is too easy to fall into temptation, and many people do not possess the control required. There are some who shouldn't. Others will think that they can fool God and others. But they only fool themselves for they will be tried and judged by God.
Christians should not be afraid to talk about sex, masturbation, and if you're bold, even different positions. The rest of our culture talks about, and if we want to bring them to Christ, we have to be willing to speak to them about it.
Christians get squeamish when talking about sex and masturbation, but I think about it, I try to remember the love, passion, and romance that I desire with my future wife.
